Polyamory is hard, but sometimes it also has its moments. For example, if you end up in bed with more than one person and everyone present is more than willing to go down on each other. (As far as I know, the group-sex counting scale goes like this: Three people for a threesome, four people for a foursome and five or even more people for an orgy.) I don’t think that threesomes are tied to a specific sex act, practice, place, space or time, which makes them inherently flexible and creative. Which makes them also a problem…?
Especially threesomes that don’t go sideways first and then down in the aftermath, seem to be a jackpot. A lot of factors should be considered: Attractions want to be met, ethics and trust have to be established, boundaries have to be set, communication should never stop, and last but not least all present people have to be aware that their existing relationships with each other might change based on that erotic interaction.
I would assume the safest way to explore a giant cuddle pile that escalates slowly would be at a sex-party? At the very least, people who attend such an event are probably more likely to be in the mood to join such an endeavour than people in a disco. Another matter is the extent to which they have the right communication skills or no expectations, but that is always a matter. Where I would personally be cautious would be the infamous „heterosexual couple looking for a third“ trope. But that’s all I can say about unicorn hunting, as I am neither in a heterosexual relationship nor have, I ever had any experience with it.
All I can say is “Do as I write and not as I did” because honestly, I never thought about this topic before writing this blog post. My first threesome simply happened because everyone involved realized that making out and being open for maybe more was an option and we all willingly explored it. However, I should acknowledge that we were at that point a happy polycule (not a triad though) for several months by now and at least quite fond of each other. In addition, a very quick yes/maybe/no negotiation was also included. Still, it was a very well-invested afternoon.
What did we need?
Us (one human and two eldritch beings), a huge bed, some blankets, good vibes and eventually some music
What was the premise?
Having fun and trying not to be awkward. Why? Because two of the brains present were of the opinion: don’t be awkward! What would that look like or what would count as awkward? Of course the brains had no opinion on that and of course we were awkward, but that was okay because everyone was and we were very funny and very cute about it.
What did we do before?
Getting into the mood, which is often a science in itself. Talking, cuddling and slowly getting horny did the job for us, but maybe you want or need to step up the game. I believe everyone has their own method.
We did it!
Or: What we ended up really doing was: ignoring the doorbell of the very annoying postman, who was very eager to deliver the package and trying not to fall off the bed. It’s always amazing how size doesn’t matter in the end (pun intended) one of us was always struggling not to fall. Besides that, lots of scritches, loads of bodily fluids, tons of hickeys, the newest gossip, and stealing body heat from the people lying next to or on you and to give you a few more impressions:
“Wait, is this an arm?”
“Okay, whose foot is this?”
“Arg, the blanket is gone!”
“Can we change places?”
“That’s unfair, you have longer arms than me!”
“Uh, nice ass!”
“Hey, what?! Oh… uh… fuck yeah…”
Thoughts?
It is not natural to stumble from a sex-negative world into a world that is just the opposite. Sometimes it’s a little scary, but so far 99% of the time it’s been worth it. Especially when one’s body doesn’t really work for them, but still got its use for others. This is especially true when the moments when you are very clearly aware that you will probably never achieve the body ideal that you feel you have a right to, become all too nasty again.
Final roundup
Maybe threesomes or finding people, who appreciate one regardless of gender, body or body parts is a form of self-love. For the moment, for me personally, it is just cozy, cute, sometimes very gay and not pretentious instead very precious. I can see, why overtly romantic written novels sometimes contain phrases like “When I am with you, time stands still”. Although I still have trouble feeling it, because sure time is relative, but also: Do you know how physics works?