Last time I presented one possibility to figure out what things I chose from the list and why… now I will just deepen the topic, because I had a lot more thoughts about it… But before we dive into that, I figured it would be a good idea to clarify what I like about BDSM in general and not just about my specific kinks. Because it isn’t necessarily the fabled power exchange, it is more the framework with which and in which BDSM or kink operates. What does that mean in concrete terms?
With the „framework with which Kink operates“ I mean above all the concept of consent. It has not only changed my life, but is also slowly seeping into vanilla circles. Role-playing, raising children or living together, they all make use of it by now.
With the „framework in which Kink operates“ I mean on the one hand the community and on the other hand all the possibilities that „being kinky“ or “doing kink” brings with it. As a cultural historian in training, I am basically interested in everything, especially with things that involves humans. For example: experiences, reactions, beliefs, ideas, everyday practices, assumptions, prejudice, gender roles, race, class etc.
Kink provides a starting point for each of these topics. Moreover, you can learn so much based on this hobby for your vanilla life: communication skills (verbal and non-verbal), psychology, play theory, sex education, different philosophies and motivations, knowledge about materials, hygiene, history, safety requirements, law, anatomy, writing characters, writing story, structuring procedures, drawing, photography etc. and even then it doesn’t stop considering the self-growth that you do between and during scenes. I tried a lot of hobbies especially in my youth and the only community that could keep up with that much of variety would be the tabletop roleplaying scene. Maybe I’m doing an injustice to all the amateurs cooks because one also gets to know people and cultures very well through food… but everything else?
Next to thrill, fantasy, the visual component, material, aesthetics I also cherish kinks that need a high physical and mental skill level. If that sounds to intellectual, I also discovered kinks that just confirm my gender and make my feel like the „manliest man“ on earth.
What isn’t kinky about science? It is a system that establishes observations with which we develop theories to better understand the world. What isn’t kinky about the broad beauty of martial arts and learning bodily autonomy. What’s not kinky about licking armpits while mimicking one of Tom of Finland’s drawings?