Quick warning: I’ve tried to keep the gore to a minimum, however dying isn’t a happy topic nor a pretty process. If you have a problem with reading about funerals, cremation, dead bodys and vague description of decomposition no problem, this post is then simply not for you. There will be another topic in a fortnight.
Germany and its bureaucracy fetish
If I were ever to draw a satirical comic about Germany, there would definitely be a chapter set in a gigantic waiting room where the ghosts of the dead wait to be allowed to die. Why aren’t they allowed to die yet? Their relatives haven’t been able to put together the correct paperwork for the death certificate… It is impressive how much paperwork a deceased person can cause. In order to have a death certificate issued in Germany, you have to submit all the documents that provide information about your personal status: Death certificate, identity card, birth certificate, adoption certificate, marriage certificate (family register), divorce certificate, death certificate of your partner.
If you got married or divorced abroad, please have it certified. Also, if your partner died abroad, please try to apply for a certificate that is valid in Germany. Why? If you have something to bequeath and your marital status is unclear, the inheritance will be locked. If necessary, it will be locked forever, Germany is very strict about that. I got to know cases that now have to be processed by a notary.
If, in the course of life, the assigned gender is changed to one’s own, only a document on the change of first name (and surname, if applicable) has to be presented, provided that the preceding civil status documents (birth, etc.) have not been changed subsequently. Gender entries do not play a role for death certificates. If a person dies and nothing has been officially changed, it is unfortunately not possible to have a death certificate issued in the new name. Even versions in two different names (old and new) are not possible.
For people who have more than one partner: Powers of attorney are your weapon of choice. Because, let’s face it, it may be an indefinite period of time before the „Institut der Verantwortungsgemeinschaft“ project is actually legally and politically implemented.
Despite the German bureaucracy fetish: Being kinky and being dead still doesn’t fully comply
In recent years, a lot has changed with regard to the funeral system. The word „self-determination“ resonates with more and more people every year. Especially in large cities in northern Germany, the traditional funeral homes are realizing that they might need to update their working philosophy: The chapel is exchanged for the community room of the youth centre, the heavy oak coffin becomes a purple urn made of felt and the content of the eulogy is more secular than biblical.
Nothing legally or logistically stands in the way of a farewell party in the local dungeon (in the presence of the deceased), explicit funeral orations or kinky design of the coffin. It may sound harsh, but in the end, funeral directors are only service providers. If they work professionally, they fulfil their customers‘ wishes to the best of their ability.
Despite all this, some laws cannot be changed and the dress code for the deceased, regardless of whether they are cremated or buried, throws a spanner in the works of many kinksters…
Being cremated
Thanks to technical progress, the incineration and filter systems of crematoria are also becoming increasingly efficient. Materials whose combustion could develop pollutants are nevertheless prohibited. These include: Rubber (caoutchouc), organochlorine polymers (PVC), neoprene, latex and spandex. If you have been toying with the idea of being cremated in your pup hood or latex suit, I’m sorry to disappoint you. Motorbike helmets or the shoulder pads from American football are rejected for reasons of space.
Perhaps you will be comforted by the legal alternatives such as: Fur, leather, cotton, linen, wool, silk, corn starch, polyolefins and polyester. Uniforms, national costumes, BMX jerseys and leather clogs are therefore allowed.
Why polyester is allowed and PVC (and all other rubber-like materials) is not? I don’t know, to be honest. Presumably the only pivotal point here is the production of pollutants? Because polyester melts when it is burnt…
To what extent the bodysuits with fur print are allowed, I can’t assess. This falls into the large grey area that each crematorium can decide for itself. If in doubt, either call the funeral director or the crematorium.
At this point, however, I would like to point out that the bodies of the deceased are not necessarily flexible, and their skin becomes damp during the process. This is mainly due to the temperature differences between the cold room and the washroom, consequently condensation forms. Anyone who has ever dried themselves badly after a shower and then wanted to put on a pair of skinny jeans knows how badly this works. Leather is in no way inferior to denim. As I said, funeral directors are service providers, and they will fulfil your wishes, but you will probably not become the funeral director’s „favourite deceased“. Moreover, if someone is cremated and the relatives are not present and want to look into the coffin again, the second post-mortem examination is carried out shortly before the cremation. A doctor looks at the deceased person again to make sure that the body has not been changed in between. For this purpose, the body must be naked, however, if a deceased person has been accompanied, they are undressed again. In most cases, the clothes are simply put back into the coffin and the body is cremated naked. The clothes merely decoration… Incidentally, this is a topic of conversation that many funeral directors deliberately do not mention. If you want to know how the company handles this second post-mortem, you should ask them about it by yourself.
Being buried in a casket or coffin
The same rules apply to burials in the ground, any material that could disturb the decomposition process or the groundwater is prohibited.
A dead giftaway
Grave goods are by no means „out of fashion“, rather the opposite. Many undertakers actively encourage relatives to include mementos of the deceased’s lifetime in the coffin. Although these are often small objects, they too must not produce any harmful substances, provided they are dissolved.
Materials that are not a problem in a cremation:
- Leather (percussion, collars, harness etc.)
- Paper (letters, photos, books, drawings)
- Thin chains (made of metal)
However, there is much more to say on the subject of metal, except: Go for it, if you want. Anyone who has paid attention to chemistry knows that metals do not burn, but melt. The whole thing gets even more complicated because each metal has its own melting point. The average temperature of a cremation oven changes during the burning process, but on average it is between 900–1300° C. It all depends on the person. It all depends on the person… Regardless of the temperature, after 60 minutes all organic matter has turned to ash. The remaining metal (implants, dental fillings, jewellery) is sorted out of the remains with the help of a magnet and recycled. Depending on the crematorium, the proceeds are donated to various charitable causes. However, not every metal will melt… While silver (960.8° C), gold (1064° C) and copper (1084° C) will most likely be sold on as lumps, steel (1375–1510° C depending on the type), platinum (1768° C) and titanium (1795° C) are a different story. I strongly suspect that Collar rings and especially Eternity Collars will be unaffected by the heat. Now, whether you decide to put it in the cremation coffin or not is up to you. I am merely finishing my thoughts.
By the way, pacemakers, catheters, hearing aids or access devices are removed by nurses or the undertakers themselves. Under no circumstances should they be incinerated, as there is a risk of explosion. Which brings us to the following point…
Materials that are very much a problem in a cremation: Silicone, glass and plastic/PVC.
Silicon doesn’t break down ever. It doesn’t burn, it doesn’t rot. It does turn into goo, if heated up, and no technology likes that. Because of that, most sex toys and silicone implants aren’t allowed as grave goods or need to be removed.
With glass, on the other hand, I was surprised, I had expected it to be allowed, but I was wrong. Apparently, glass contains gases that could possibly (also) lead to explosions if heated too much. Most likely it depends on the size of the object, because glasses are allowed after all.
Plastic/PVC I think is self-explanatory… it melts and generally just causes trouble.
But the soil…
In general, the same applies to burial in the ground, whether urn or coffin, as to the dress code. Anything that could disturb the decomposition of the corpse or the quality of the groundwater or soil is not allowed. Metal jewellery and anything made of paper works, but electronic devices are taboo. Since urn graves are much smaller than coffin graves, I tend to advise small items here.
If you have special wishes, you can ask the cemetery politely; some tend to interpret the law. Exception: cemeteries in the forest, also known as „Friedwald“, „Ewigforst“ or „Ruhewald“, are quite strict about soil quality. They will tend to say no.
All in all who said planning a funeral is easy? I hope this blog post could at least shed a little light on this.